end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
