if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
