you win again, gameday.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
