One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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