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grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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