Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
