you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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