Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
