There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
