sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
