My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
