I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize