I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
