this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
