he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My vagina just recognized that song.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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