i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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