I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
