just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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