I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
