I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
