She is in my trunk
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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