i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
