Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
