you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
