I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
