I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
