Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
