We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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