11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
