worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize