The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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