I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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