saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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