I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
