Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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