honey bunches of taint.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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