I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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