lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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