10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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