ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
