so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
