did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
