I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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