So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
