Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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