Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I intend to get homeless drunk
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
