so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
