This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
