your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize