Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
