Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize