If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
