I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
NoShamevember. You game?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
