did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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