We need to start having sex underwater more often.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
