Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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