wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
