garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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