Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
