He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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