I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize