this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
