my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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