bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
