why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
