They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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