We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
