stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
