the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
