he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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