can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
