There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
