No stitches, just platelets and will power
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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