THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
