Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
