i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
